Day ?

Anyone know what day it is??? Motivation 0. That's Zero! Goose Egg!

Got to find it again. With motivation comes endorphins.

Bob says to trust the process. Jill says I deserve to be here and to dig deep. Elder Holland says "Look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future." Where's my faith? In anything? In me? In my God? In the process? Well I've learned a few things over these last few days...

I've learned...

Life is a commitment! To live is a commitment! Life is meant to be hard, to have challenges. But every step is commitment. Every choice is a commitment. And living life with those challenges and beating those challenges is what gives and brings happiness.

My heart screams, "Give me my life back! Give me back ownership of my body!" My head says, "Ugh, we can do it tomorrow." Well you know what, tomorrow is herein 1 hour and 26 minutes... And now tomorrow brings 7 miles. The greatest motivation has to be me! It is me!

I've learned...

My life is blessed! I have a roof over my head that doesn't leak. I have a car that runs that I am confident in. I have two puppies that love me and would spend all day at my feet if they could. I have a family who loves me despite the distances. I have a job that I love and that finds ways (to both kill and) kick start my motivation.

I've learned...

That I've spent the last six years of my life hiding. Hiding from me. Hiding from what I thought others expected of me. And you know what, I have no one to blame but me. Who are "others" and where are they now? They left. They don't know me. Because I'm not me!

Q. What's going to get me to change?
A. Spending more time on my knees and less time on my butt in front of the TV. Using my time wisely and not waiting for the last minute. Early to bed, early to rise.

Q. What's gong to push me to my limits??? On that note... what are my limits?
A. My limits now are weaknesses. Lack of confidence and lack of self worth. (Where did that go? Out the door that I opened when I began making bad choices in my life.)

I realise today that I am my worst judge. There is a difference between judging myself and being responsible for myself. No more hiding. No more excuses. (Any excuse will do if the desire is not really there... and I'm going to feed my desire.)

From today I'm holding myself accountable, but I'm not judging myself. Not any more. I've got better things to do. No more being afraid to succeed.

I've got to go. Early to bed starts right now.

Oh and by the way, today is day 37!

Sexy... Out